It's Okay to Cry
by jesuisl0ser
Summary: Angel had never seen Collins cry before. AngelCollins OneShot...R&R please!


**I wrote this because I was bored and kinda depressed...R&R please; Enjoy**

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"Angel...Angel, baby...Angel?"

She awoke to her lover's shaky voice calling out her name in the darkness. Blinking sleepily, Angel rolled over to glance at Collins. He was crying.

She immediately sat up, whispering nervously, "Collins? What's wrong?" The sickening part of this particular situation was that, in the considerably long time she'd known him, Angel Dumott Schunard had never seen Thomas B. Collins shed a single tear.

And, yet, there he was, sitting there beside her, his body propped up against his pillow. There were tears streaming down his face, and his expression was unreadable. The way the busy city lights reflected on his face as they flowed in from the window made him look almost like an emotionless ghost. He still hadn't said anything to her yet, and Angel was beginning to get worried.

"Collins?" She slid over next to him and rested her head against his chest. "What happened? Are you okay?"

"No." It was the first thing he had said in the past few minutes. _At least it's a start_, Angel thought to herself as she reached up to wipe his tears away. Every time she tried to brush her fingers against his skin, he'd pull away, and then more tears would fall. At Angel's final attempt, Collins grabbed her wrist and shoved it away.

Angel, who was taken aback by his reaction, gaped at him for a moment before finally asking softly, "Don't you trust me?"

He was silent for a long time, looking down at her, still crying silently. Angel decided that the only way to get through to him was to be calm. When Collins lost control of his emotions, which is something he tried not to do all that frequently, it was up to Angel to try to help him cool off. Usually Angel was able to tell when Collins was angry, but at this very moment, she couldn't really tell whether he was sad or angry or frustrated, or a little of everything. She rested against him once more, gently massaging his chest. Finally, after holding back for so long, he let out a little cry and buried his face into Angel's neck.

Angel felt the hot tears against her skin and felt like crying herself. She had never seen him like this before. Pulling his trembling body into her arms, she let him sob for quite a while. His breathing was quick and shuddering, his shoulders shaking. The quiet wails that occasionally escaped his lips were raspy, and it was almost as if it caused Collins pain just to let out his cries of exasperation.

"Shh...It's okay, honey...It's okay," Angel whispered soothingly. Even then, she hadn't the slightest idea why he was so upset.

That is, until he muttered something in between his shuddering sobs: "Don't leave me, Angel...Don't leave...Please..."

Angel gulped. She had known this would happen eventually. "Baby," she whispered, kissing him on the cheek gently, "I'm still here. Not goin' anywhere just yet."

He looked up at her, disbelief in his eyes. "But, you're gonna leave me, aren't you?"

Angel had never seen him look so helpless; so scared. "I think we both agreed a long time ago that we'd cross that bridge when we came to it, sweetie. Why are you worrying so much now?"

"Maybe it's because I just realized how I'll never be able to live without you," Collins murmured quietly, inhaling a shaky breath. "I was watching you sleep earlier...and I was thinking about what a beautiful person you are...and how you can make me feel like I'm _somebody_ when I come home feeling like a nobody...You're my _life_. What am I supposed to do? I can't...I just...I—"

Angel pressed her lips against his, cutting him off. Stroking his cheek with her finger, she let the kiss linger for as long as she could before they both had to break away for air.

"No...No, Angel, you don't understand..."

She cut him off once more, putting her index finger to his lips. "I think I do. Maybe you don't know it just yet, Tom, but I'm always going to be with you. Wherever you go, whatever you do...You don't have to worry about that. I'm always gonna be here for you. Forever."

The words seemed to soothe him. His breathing was at a steady pace and he wasn't crying anymore.

"You a little better now?" inquired Angel.

Collins nodded. "Y-yeah...I'm...I'm fine," he replied. He closed his eyes, lying back down on the bed and letting out a big sigh. "I feel like an idiot..."

"Why, baby?"

"Because...I'm supposed to be the strong one, the one who helps you out, and here I am crying like some white guy in a soap opera after his girl just cheated on him."

Angel giggled. "Hardly, baby. Didn't anyone ever tell you that it's okay to cry?"

"My dad told me never to cry. I guess it kinda stuck with me from childhood...I just...didn't wanna look like some kinda coward in front of you."

Angel brought her lips to his again. They were nose-to-nose now, and she whispered, "Crying doesn't show people how weak you are. It just shows how strong you are to let your emotions go."

Collins kissed her back gently, running his hands up and down her body. "I like that theory. And I learned something, too."

"What's that?"

He took a deep breath. "That you'll never leave me."

He pulled her into his arms, whispering at least a hundred (Angel had stopped counting at twenty) "I love you"s until they fell asleep in each other's arms.


End file.
